10 Questions Parents of Twins Get Asked, and How to Answer Them.

It has taken me nearly twelve years to have the strength to write this post.

For those of you who don't already know this, Banana and Squish are twins.  They came into our lives five weeks early at 35 weeks gestation, on July 10, 2003.  They spent three weeks in the NICU (Special Care Unit, actually) and were not in incubators for more than 24 hours after birth.  Except for Banana, who has always played to the beat of her own drummer.  She had some jaundice so went into an incubator for another 24 hours for phototherapy.  But other than that, both girls were breathing just fine on their own and though they were five weeks early and needed to learn how to suck properly, they were pretty healthy (if you consider Squish's constant projectile vomiting of every feed 'healthy').

When we finally got to bring them home (three weeks after they made their entrance into the world), we began to get inundated with the multitudes of questions that people seem to feel they have the right to ask.

You see, having twins is like instant celebrity.  People seem to notice twins and they just have to stop and ask as many questions, as they can.  Not as many as they feel is appropriate, because apparently nothing is off limits when you're asking a mom of twins about her twins, her pregnancy, her fertility, her feeding procedures, and her justification for said everything-related-to-babies.

God help the people who got to me before I'd had my morning coffee (just ask my sister-in-law.  She was often present when this happened)

Some of the answers I'm going to post I wish I had thought of (I'll qualify those ones).  And the ones I actually did.

1.  Q: "Are they twins?"
 My Answer: (with confusion on my face): Yes (while thinking 'Why on earth do you think there are two of them?!')
What I wish I'd answered: "No.  I found one in a parking lot and figured 'Meh, why not?'"

2: Q: "Are they natural?"
My answer: "Ummmmm? Yes?" (while thinking "WTF does that mean?!")
What I wish I'd answered:  No.  We commissioned them.  They are made totally of recycled parts.

3. Q: "Did you use fertility treatments?"
My answer: "Ummmmm?" (while thinking "And this is your business because?")
What I wish I'd answered: "Do you want the name of my doctor?  Shall I have my medical records forwarded to you?"

4. Q: "How do you tell them apart?"
My answer:  "I'm their mom.  I don't really have a problem telling them apart.  They don't even look the same."
What I wish I'd answered: Well, my answer above is pretty much it.

5. Q: "Are they boys?"
My answer (usually): No.  They're girls (usually while thinking "did the pink blanket, pink shirt and flowery pants throw you?"
What I wish I'd answered: Oh, did the pink blankets, pink shirt, flowery pants throw you?
My husband liked to answer: "Why?  Are you going to buy them a present?"

6. Q: "Are you breastfeeding or bottle feeding?"
My answer: "Bottles"
What I wish I'd answered:  "I can't really see how that's any of your business, but since you asked, based on how they eat and the fact that one likes to throw up every time I feed her, I wasn't in the mood to be a cow and be feeding 24/7 since they don't eat at the same time."

7. Q: "Which one is the evil twin?"
My answer: Blank stare
What I wished I'd answered: Blank stare pretty much covers it I think.

8.: Q: "How do you manage with two?"
My answer: It's not that I have much of a choice.
What I wish I'd answered: "I pick the one I like best that day and take care of that one." or "How do you manage to get up everyday?"

9. Q: "You must have your hands full!!" (Okay, not really a question)
My answer: Yep.,.  both of them.  And my heart, too.
What I wish I'd answered: See above.

10: Q: "Are they identical or fraternal?"
My answer: Fraternal
What I wish I'd answered: "Sororal. Get it? Cause they're girls."

It has never failed to amaze me, even now, how much people think they deserve to know about you, your children and your medical history when it comes to twins.  I swear, it makes me want to go up to them and say "is that your child?  Is it a boy or a girl? Did you have it naturally or did you need fertility? or did you adopt it?" Noone ever goes up to the parent of a singleton and ask any of the above.  And if the kid doesn't look like the parents?  Well that's a whole 'nother ball o' wax (such as Asian children adopted by North American parents - my friends adopted their daughters and I have heard that people ask white couples of Asian children how much their children "cost".  WTF!?)

One thing I will say: I would never ever change the experience of having my children the way I did.  Everything was new, and even though we spent 3 weeks in the Special Care Nursery, I still wouldn't trade our experiences there for anything.  We learned so much, met some incredibly fantastic (and one or two not so great) nurses and doctors.